


The battle of confusion.

by Melleniaofwaiting



Category: The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: And all their names too, Battle against the white council, Dresden's sixty imaginary cats, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, He is in this fic, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Is Harry dresden insane?, M/M, Marcone taking it all in stride since...whenever, One very vague reference to the hobbit at the end, Slightly - Freeform, There is a battle but its glossed over, This contains no gore or other things, WTF Harry???, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 18:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19179292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melleniaofwaiting/pseuds/Melleniaofwaiting
Summary: War is being waged on the White Council.On the day of reckoning, everyone is in their groups... all except Harry Copperfield Blackstone Dresden but fear not for he shall not be ashamed of this minuscule fact.





	The battle of confusion.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I wrote this a long time ago whilst sleep deprived. I literally found this in my works and vaguely remember writing it.  
> The John/Harry is so vague you need to be a major shipper to see it.

It was the day of reckoning for the crimes the White Council had pledged as people gathered in a clearing that looked a lot like the one from Twilight. The wind was swift, carrying a cool breeze, making the gathered groups look awesome.  
The mafia stood to one side on the left, 'gentleman' Johnny Morcone standing at the front looking leader-ly and stuff whilst being flanked by Mr. Hendricks on his right and Ms. Gard on his left.  
To the right stood the black court, followed by The Red Court and the White court. Next to White Court stood Donald Vanderburg and his army of Valkyries.  
On the other side of the large clearing stood the White Council and their army of wizards and Witches.  
Everyone was in their groups ready to kill and bring honor to their chosen leader...  
all except Harry Copperfield Blackstone Dresden, who awkwardly stood off to one side a few meters from Marcone's Gang.  
The current Merlin, Arthur Langtry, stepped forward to take part in the cliché before battle smack talk.  
"Do you honestly think you can win this battle? If you leave now, we might overlook this small inconvenience...for a price of course but nothing too... strenuous." He sneered.  
"I am afraid Mister Langtry that no words shall be able to save you." Marcone drawled.  
It was at that point that Harry felt that he had kept quiet for much too long and decided to comment which led to the strange events that followed.  
"I'd listen to Marcone if I were you. He's really grumpy today."  
The Merlin turned to Harry and sneered, something he seemed to do quite often.  
"All alone again, Dresden? I'm not surprised. After all, you are nothing more than a filthy criminal." He snarled.  
Harry lifted an eyebrow at him and calmly said, "Oh, I'm not alone. I have a family."  
"Oh really? Then where are they?" Asked Morgan the Warden sarcastically.  
"They're standing right here."  
Everyone looked at him as if he was absolutely raving mad.  
"How rude of me! Let me introduce them."  
He tilted his arm so that it looked as if he held someone by the shoulders.  
"This is my lovely wife snarkily."  
He said before he dropped his arm and gestured to his sides.  
"These are our children, Snarkus and Snarkia."  
He pointed to the ground on his left, "our cat, Blasphemy," then pointing to his right, "and the family dog, Spot."  
Silence greeted his dramatic explanation before Morgan managed to get his head back into the game.  
"I should kill you where you stand for your disrespect." He said with a glare.  
"You can't! Who will look after my sixty cats if die?! You can't just randomly kill cat ladies-and cat dudes, that's important to remember! You have to make sure they don't put you in their will and give you all the cats! Have you made sure I haven't put you in my will, Morgan?" Harry asked concerned.  
Morgan looked slightly uncomfortable at that.  
"Are you...threatening me?" He asked.  
Unfortunately, Harry ignored him, instead turning to look at Marcone.  
"Johnny, look after my cats. All of them! Tell ( Warning: The following is a list of sixty cat names. If you wish to skip them, it's perfectly fine.) Zina, Mina, Tuna, Chair, Table, Catical , Catania, Cataow, Catmare, Jane , Cujo, Distraction, Snowie, Darling, Fiona ,Marco , Annoying cat ,Why cat, meaning of existence , Tree , Blackie, Frog, Dog, whilst occupied, Brick, John, Valkerie1 and Valkerie2,Odin I'm-totally-retired Vanderburg, Creepy, Leaf, Blue, Sad, Brown, Food, Stop that, Don't hit the dog, Mittens, Ironman, Hulk, Polka,-" *gasp*  
"- Angry, Funny, Ginny, Cloud, Ground, Kim, Bianca, attack, Sonja, Gaston, Johnson, Mab, Lea, Grape jr. , Rafal, Kobus, Wifi, Orange and Michael that I love them!"  
"Okay... I'm just going to put you out of your misery..." Morgan said hesitantly walking closer.  
The other groups were about the attack him, after all, as much as they hated him, Dresden was on their side. Up until they killed him, of course. He was a useful ally but he had wronged them and they couldn't just let him live.  
It was unneeded, however.  
"Oh, thank you! Life has been so hard ever since Grape died. Smite me, so that this painful pain may end!" Harry said dramatically, twirling so his back was against Morgan's chest.  
He then proceeded to snatch Morgan's knife out of its scabbard and plunged it into his chest.  
Harry pulled the knife out of Morgan's chest as he fell to the ground, dead.  
"I've wanted to do that for years now."  
Morgan's death had started the battle. It was a fierce fight. The wizards were young and powerful but they were heavily outnumbered with one wizard for every ten enemies. It was a battle the White Council could not win.  
****************  
After the battle (which the White Council had lost) John Marcone approached a tired Harry Dresden who was sitting on a rock.  
"What happened out there on the field?"  
"I caused a distraction then stabbed Morgan." He said tiredly.  
"Yeah, I got that. I meant with the cat names." John said.  
"What about 'em?"  
"You named a cat Grape?"  
Harry gave him an annoyed look.  
"Well, Johnny, I'd like to see you come up with sixty names from the top of your head whilst still keeping count of how many you already named and if you had been paying attention, you might have known that I was telling you to attack whilst they were distracted." Harry huffed.  
Marcone only lifted an eyebrow.  
"I'm slightly worried about your sanity." John said  
"Me too. I... I always question it when it pays me a visit but it always wanders off again. It comes and it goes really."  
John gave him a disturbed look which caused Harry to burst out laughing.  
"Don't worry. I'm not insane. Just joking." He said before standing up and walking away. He paused. "Or am I?"  
"Where are you going, Harry?" Marcone yelled.  
"Don't call me Harry, scumbag! And for your information, I'm going on an Adventure!"

The End.


End file.
